Now, I understand psychological horror, teenagers and sex are hot topics for any director (namely so they can look clever and stare at young perk tits, fucking lecherous directors) but Donkey Punch takes the bacon as the most sex-fuelled orgy-ridden bloodbathical of all time.
The film basically deals with three teenage girls, one of which recently broken up (which is treated in the writing as though her boyfriend died in a horrific banana yoghurt/chinchilla based accident, not just leaving her... ... ... too dramatic teens) who, after stealing champagne and drinking excessively meet 3 twats ina bar. The twats, being twats, have a yacht, and ask the girls they have just met whether they would like to twattishly join them on said yacht. Naturally, being bitchy naive twatty girly girls they say yes because they are slags and like a quick shag.
When they arrive on the yacht, moments after meeting the twats - you'd think their mothers would have taught them about strangers - they take a fuck tonne of drugs due to peer pressure from the biggest twat and all settle down to a nice orgy.
Earlier, the biggest twat and described The Donkey Punch, whereby you give a lass an involuntary spasm to make ya cum better or some shit like that, I was too busy laughing at the accents the actors had put on to sound like down-to-earth less than clever teens. During said orgy, virgin twat performs donkey punch killing slaggiest lass with the fucking wierd face...
From then on everyone dies for no reason.
The End.
Wiki tells me it was filmed in 3 weeks on £500,000, which fucking explains the lack of plot half way through. The sex scene was just a wank job for the director, Olly Blackburn, who obviously just likes the idea of snuff porn and decided to add a yacht, a virgin and a silly title in the mix. The title was what intrigued me, having the feel to it of Swordfish or Domino, intelligent harsh films... this was just fucking terrible, bar the beginning which showed promise. Some nice eerie shots, and a decent look into stereotypical teenage life opens the film before the director goes, "fuck this everyone dies." Including death by dingy engine and a flare getting lodged in someones chest, again for no reason.
The only man I know that can pull off films like this is Quentin Tarantino, which brings me nicely into this, which I copied from this link:
The Inglourious Basterds Drinking Game
Drink Every Time . . .
1. Anyone's notoriety is referenced 2. Swastikas are shown
3. Anyone says "Jew" or "Nazi"
4. A geographic location is mentioned
5. Anyone drinks
6. Anyone switches languages mid conversation
AND IF YOU REALLY WANT TO GET WASTED . . .
Anytime someone dies.
Which swiftly draws me back to.... Teenagers have gained a reputation as drug taking, sex addicted drunken morons with more intelligence in their brains as Bono has charitable thoughts. This wasnt true before, but then wankers (and I mean that literally) like Olly Blackburn made films showing this off which made teenagers want to do it... this meant the teenagers saying, "we're not the stereotype you say we are" became the stereotype, as it looked fucking mental yeah. Sometimes I despair that I'm 19... soon I'm 20 and I can leave the drugged up drinking messes behind me.
I also want to direct your attention to:
This is a fascinating little video (not snuff porn I promise ya). Basically it shows how scary game design is, how facebook is taking over the world and how you are doomed to live in a world of cheaply produced commercialised brain washing money making schemes where you spend good money on pixels. I'll leave you with that thought, good morrow peeps.
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