Christianity, what else can you hate, oh my

Disclaimer: the following post is not intended to defile religion, act heretically or be blasphemous, but merely point out how certain Christians can be utter wankers. Side note: this will most likely not be very funny, I get heated

My curiousity into why Christians are so downright protective of what they believe in began at primary school. Each day we prayed when we arrived, we prayed in our assembly, prayed at lunch and then prayed when we left. Each prayer was one of thanks, understanding or safety. I.e "thank you God for getting me to school safe", "thank you god for this food I have here, these frube, and this cheese string, all holy in nature", "God, keep me safe when I walk home tonight". Ironically, after doing these for quite a few years, with child naivity keeping me locked to this form of behaviour, I one day awoke to a scientific mind I now possess. I came up with a theory, one I could test. My house is but mere houses from the Primary School and each day I am safe. Surely if I said "I have to eat 5 apples everyday no Giraffes would eat my Mum" and did indeed eat 5 apples then that event would not occur, for Giraffes do not live in  England and nor do they eat matriarchal factors of family units. My plan was this, on one day, I would not pray, I would mime, think of something irrelevant to prayer, then walk home.

GUESS WHAT FOLKS. I live! And strangely the over-use of prayer made me an Atheist. Well, technically not an Atheist, because I don't believe there is nothing its just... well... let me put it this way. Newly Weds still argue over what colour the curtains should be in their new house, do you think we have the capabilities to understand an omniscient presence when curtains are still at the top of the fucking agenda. Unlikely. Being mere carbon based accidents (if evolution is to be believed, but if you say the underlieing idea of that philosophy in a patronising tone of voice is sounds fucking weird too... "so, like, we were bits of atom and just HAPPENED to rearrange into a self-replicating form which just HAPPENED to continued growing new bits to ADAPT to an environment it has no perception of until after being  a FISH a DINOSAUR and a MONKEY I became MAN... ok., yeah, you believe that buddy.")... yes... if we but Carbon Based accidents then we have no perception of the universe and what made it, if something did. Just impossible. And yet we continue to say "JEHOVAH FORGIVE ME!"

But, what I have to make of a note of, in case I am called a Blasphemer (blasforme, blas for you, blas for everyone) and get burned a bit, I do not want to say "you are wrong". I think you are wrong, for that is my belief, and I am allowed to believe that, for equality is what brings people together man, but I am not, through a shitty blog, oppressing your beliefs, be they Muslim, Jewish, Siqeheh.. Soigh... Sihk (there we go!), Dadaist, Baha'i, Zoroastrian... I dont care... I am merely pointing out that certain people are fucktards when it comes to God and His infinite majesty (that doesn't exist (in my book (amen to that Brother) ) ).

We note in that above video how two Atheists, with a simple recognition of the inability to prove the existance of Unicorns, how blinded people are by faith. Like science, faith is fucking complicated. It is hard work. You can't just go, "My momma told me that god exeests. I now beleeve" (you may add in the Redneck drawl yourself). That is blind faith, silly faith... silly silly faith.

But with blind faith - with this cowardly grasping onto the pure and angelic false truth - comes arrogancy.

Take the life of brian, the funniest look into politics, unions and prejudice you can find, and what does Mr. Bishop say, "Oh, its by the footlights, blah blah blah, I went to University you know... blah".... to do what, Study Jesus. "I did a course in Jesusology". Fuck off Pink Coat. Because you are so busy trying to find faeries at the bottom of the garden (Douglas Adams) you forget to note what the films about. OMG, JESUZ IS IN THE FILM, ZOMG, THATS LIEK, BLASFERMEE! lololololololololol. I iz hatin' your filmz, make me a bible sammich. 

I don't like ignorance with religion, and this strange need to protect that faith regardless of how silly you look. You will never find Stephen Hawking getting angry at someone saying Black Holes are silly. He will merely look through evidence, procure it, and allow others to have alternate theories. He'll allow films to be made about how Black Holes are anuses, made by Time Lords, go into other universes, spew up, are found in coathangers, I dont fucking know, just... he can let his theory be mocked stupendously. The moment you say, "Jesus had a funny beard" and they come out all placards blazing saying how your a heretic. It implies a fear you are right. If we protest loud enough, the bad man with the alternate philosophical view will go away, because if I listen I may believe in him, and then... I don't know what I would do without the prospect of an ever-loving god. Just seems a tad cowardly in my book.

So yes, enjoy The Life of Je... I mean Brian and everytime a Jehohavs Witness knocks on the door shout loudly, with Xmas music in the background, "SORRY, CAN YOU COME BACK LATER, I'M JUST ABOUT TO GO GIVE BLOOD!"

My next port of call, after leaving the ignorance of Comedy-less Bishops behind, is... Wesboro Baptist Church, who apparently are so stupid they can't spell Borough. Note what the URL is, thats right, godhatesfags! YAY!

 

We all know gay sex is a bit... well... nothing. Its not weird, its not strange, its not rape, its not in the streets everyday. its just, a relationship. We can argue that homosexuality was seen in a bad light in Africa, due to homosexuality - even before the arrival of Christianity - meant being raped, as that was one of the only representations of that sexuality in the continent, but now... have we not grown up a tad? GOD HATES FAGS. Well done, you have successfully done nothing with your lives. 1) if god does exist do you think he listens to fucktards like you, do you think he goes - in a James Mason voice - "well done! Those colourful signs really got my attention, unlike those little funny hats the jews wear" 2) why does he hate fags, because a book written long ago under other social ideals said so... 3) you momma 4) ??? 5) profit

This is why I don't like religion. Science, probably, at one point, tried to prove how being ghey was wrong folks - probably in America in an educational film - but has since realised it isnt, and has moved onto whether its dispositional or situation, whether its genetic or you learn to be gay. Religion either 1) ignores it 2) accepts it or 3) GETS VERY FUCKING ANGRY SHOUTING AND SCREAMING AND NOT GETTING ANYTHING DONE. Religion here is not being constructive. its just alot of moaning and debating and not listening whereby both sides of the argument might as well go "you smell" "your gay" and go home. That is my second reason why Religion, espeically Christianity in this regard (but you find it all religions, don't think I have forgotten you Buddha) is stilla  tad childish. I look at religion and go, "really, still?"

Finally I reach, "CHRISTIANS FINDING ANYTHING WRONG IN ANYTHING!" Again, I will note, I think alot of Christians are fine fellows and basically are just incredibly moral people. In my opinion that is what religion should be, teaching people how to be, on the most basic fucking level, nice. But this, takes the bacon:

Is Pokemon Dangerous?

Is Pokemon dangerous?  Potentially, yes it is.  It conditions the child who plays the game into accepting occult and evolutionary principles.  Haunter can hypnotize, eat a person's dreams, and drain their energy.  Abra reads minds.  Kadabra emits negative energy that harms others.  Gastly induces sleep. Gengar laughs at peoples' fright.  Nidoran uses poison.  The Psychic type of Pokemon are among the strongest in the game.  Charmander, Haunter, Ivysaur, Kadabra, and many more evolve.  The children are taught to use these creatures to do their will by invoking colored energy cards, fights, and commands. Much of it is reminiscent of occult and eastern mysticism. - http://www.carm.org/more-stuff/features/pokemon-what-it

Yes thats right kiddies, as well as one card showing a nazi emblem, it apparently teaches them how to be chinese tarot card prophets and about the horrors of evolution. Because evolution is wrong. Why is evolution wrong Mr. Chris... tian.... its because it disproves god... so whether or not it is morally wrong is not the problem, its the fact it makes you look stupid... well done you no longer love god but love yourself with god as a back up plan! FUCKTARDS AWAY!

If I recall, the bible is about trusting your fellow man, helping him through hard times, incest and 10 commandments to help you in not killing everything, not about pokemon. Never have I heard god say, "AND THE POKEMON DID RISE FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE BALLS AND THEY MADE HIM RAGE FORTH A FURIOUS ANGER!"

Do you know whats even better about this? 

Earth, Wind, Fire, and Water are frequent elemental themes found in Pagan religions, witchcraft, and Wicca, and are used heavily in Pokemon.

And what did Christianity come out of? Wait for it... PAGANISM! Because religion is as evolving (hehe, I used a bad word) as science, changing its beliefs due to societal alterations. Thsi means that all Christians are... PAGANS! But without the stones, nakedness and dancing, so in all honesty it means they took the fun out of the religion. You can't just change a belief in my opinion. God cannot be different depening on your mood or whats going down. Either gays are wrong as the bible says, or ok if society is ok. Being the Pope doesnt mean, "shit, people dont like me because I think pokemon and gays are wrong, Ill just... MY PEOPLE, Jesus came unto me and said they are ok again, good night!" Thats just wrong, thats far more blasphemous than anything I could say, twisting religion so 1) your always right and 2) you don't look bad. Grow up. Either decide what you believe or fuck off!

So what have we learnt 1) this post isnt very funny, it is just a rant, 2) Fags are going to rot in hell, 3) Pokemon teaches kids evolution and that upsets people with beliefs in happy places and 4) Paganism rocks.