WhiteGOLD

Music, it makes the world go around, or at least, half way around before commercialism, Simon Cowells Ego and hyperhomosexual pineappley flavoured dongs push it the rest of the way. We have seen media interbreed to form the music video, the talent show and then finally the youtuber who thinks hes got it all.

That guy does in fact "have it all" bar possibly looks but who am I to judge. My beard has been described as the pubes of Zeus, so I dont think I have the chance to complain about other peoples idiosyncratic physiognomy (haha, that means personal faces poshly, I feel like a torie spouting nonsense!) He has taken an original media technology (I do media studies A-level, so I will sound like a post-modern twat at the moment)... so, he has taken an original media technology - the Chat Roulette System of Web 2.0 - and taken his improvisational skills in fucking awesome pianomongery forming what can only be described as pure joy. He is literally performing to strangers, like Mexican Guitarists in shit restaurants but without the shit, the restaurants or the immigrants. He is spreading musical happiness in a simple and effective way, the only difficulty is his style which is so complex, rivetting and awesome my eyes bled rainbows. Maybe not that awesome, but when you look into what he is actually doing - not just funny piano based youtube videos, but music on the spot genius - you have to admit its rather wonderful. 

What isn't wonderful is this, WhiteGOLD, who also have two myspaces, one for Red Beam and the other for Sweet G... the band... members. Hold up, let me stop. Red Beam. Sweet G. Say the words, let the syllables roll on your tongue with the inevitable bile that is to follow. I mean, I know these guys, so mocking them here will probably result in... BEING RAPPED TO DEATH. Oh nu! 

Due to the advent of Web 2.0, where every fucker can have an opinion on the internet (I can be excluded from this as I am... a... god?), every musician can become 'signed'. Yes, it may not be conventional, to a company that knows what its doing, but Myspace, run by Lonely Lonely Tom, can make anyone a musician. Make the page, show people your gigs, show people how you sound with a media player that puts the iPod to shame. yes, even the iPod feels shame for that poor excuse for a music player, it feels pity. So, Tom told all the people, "You too can be famous" and Lily Allen and Kate Nash (the only examples I know) did well, becoming famous, but so many were left behind. So many were left in the deluges of lost music, forcing their way through to be famous as well, "Pick me" they would shout, "I used Audacity to record my voice!" And they are washed onto the shore of utter wank. 

WhiteGOLD is one such poor excuse for a piece of wanky music wank... wank. They want to be rappers, but are white, have not... let me show you there description:

Its Ya boy, Sweet G of White G.O.L.D, we formed in 2009 as a Rapcore band called 'Hip-hopcrisy' this lead nowhere so, we formed White GOLD in March 2010, this was purely Rap and Hip Hop, but we have no limit to our style as we have an arsenal of raps if different styles.

I bring, the real shit, no lies, I have only being rapping for about 3 months before the formation of White GOLD so i'm discovering my style right now, try to innovate, don't rap about the hood, as i grew up in a normal neighbourhood, with no gun crime or death, so i'm not gonna lie about it.

Yo its Red Bean, my aim has always been to do something new. I been writting lyrics for all sorts of genres for afew years now, but im always on my rap shit.

So much shit has already been done, and if your just gonna re-do it then aint no point in bothering.
I try to bring an original message and style to the game, I hope we can all chill, get blunted and get to making some good music.

We got our first tape on the way which is called "class in session EP", but its good lookin so far.
This summer we are gonna release our first full mixtape called "Notebook Rhymin". Its gonna contain a good mix of styles and there will be something for everyone on that record.
Peace out. R-B.

Just wait a minute. Now you may laugh.

don't rap about the hood, as i grew up in a normal neighbourhood, with no gun crime or death, so i'm not gonna lie about it. 

I love that bit! I adore it, for it encapsulates all I detest of Web 2.0. I know I may be one such twat with an attitude who thinks hes good but this takes the bacon, the biscuit and other B beginninged nouns. The fact Sweet G, with his name that spawns a thousand black holes within my already loveless chest, has basically said, or rapped, "I am a normal guy who... yeah... like... no problems... I like to rap about that, yeah" means that all other rappers can never, and will never, treat them seriously. They might as well say, "today I went to college, got bummed by my teacher, but it didnt happen, I just did maths, and went home, single"... ... ... I find the tracks rather horrific, but only because their are no visuals. On Britains got (no) Talent (whatsoever, we're all ugly opera singers) you get to see the fat cow fall flat on her quavers because she has the larynx of a Noam Chomsky experiment. On myspace you see none of this. You just hear the crapness and the bleakness of misunderstood Mothering ("you could do well son") and think to yourself, "why am I still listening at 2:00". 

I want you all to troll them, or at least, make them enormously huge and popular, because I want them to be on E4 adverts rapping about friends or scrubs or sommet silly. I want them on youtube, telling their fans how awesome they are, before 4channers illuminate the comments with racism and incest. Because thats my next step... yes, I am going there.

It scares me somewhat that place. Anime and porn. Doctor Who and Incest. Geekery and debauchery. 4chan epitomises the human races Id untempered. I say this because in day to day life these people are probably like any other:

Or rapists, whatever. They probably sneak through society unnoticed before uploading an image of a scary dog to say, "aint that weird" inevitably awakening a Cthulu Lovecraftian with a penchant for bestiality. In day to day life they cannot talk of such things, in fear of hurting another or being fucking crazy, but on the internet the Id is let lose without a leash so they can become one with themselves, in a puddle of cum and a fish on their comb overs. 

So in showing them WhiteGOLD, surely they will be famous shortly????

That was an image. The end.

p.s.: the image failed... just go to www.fatpita.com