Betting, black gold, and birds.

Good evening, bloggers, I'm back. That's right, dicks, I mean faithful readers. Obviously, this isn't my blog, I shall be doing a post on that tomorrow hopefully, with a little description of my long absense from the blog world, but first, to the job of guest writing on Nathan's wonderful blog again, which is always a great pleasure to do.

BP!!!!!

dumbass fucknuts, why have they not got things in order yet? I mean, jesus, have you never heard of plugs?? you know, that thing you put in bathholes and sinkholes to stop the flow of liquid through said hole?? Just get thousands of them, right, and whack them all in at once (that's what she said), and there we go, no more extinct species, and you don't lose millions of barrels of oil. Here's the thing I don't get, if there is meant to be such a massive oil crisis, with all the oil supplies meant to be gone in 40 years or so, why aren't BP rushing to sort this out, considering there's, and I quote from BP "four" thousand barrels of the black gold pouring into the ocean every day, though when the government got someone independant to do a bit of damage control, they estimated that it was in fact twelve to nineteen thousand barrels a day, and I have just been looking it up on the news, and apparently their next plan is in fact to fill it full of mud and "large rubber balls" so the flow stops enough for it to be stable enough to either por concrete over, or drill a relief hole next to it. I should clearly be an advisor for BP, or the US government xD

Paddy Power
No, I don't mean a load of irishmen blowing at a wind turbine to try and make eco friendly electricity. For all those who bet, you will know that Paddy Power is a leading power in the betting world (according to my sources. I don't gamble myself, bad habit. And I'm underage). Anyway, what they have have now done is take advantage of the oil spill in the most ingenious way. What they have done, is make a list of all the endangered species that will be affected by the BP oil spill, and have put odds on which one will cop it first thanks to the oil. Brilliant eh? I bet the first one's to go are the CEO's of BP, though unfortunately, they're not on the list.

Birds!!
Now, what I heard on the radio just passing by, is a brilliant piece of news. Apparently, a pigeon in pakistan has been put under armed guard because they believe it has been used for spying missions. Now, not only is this funny in itself, but the way the reporter handled the story was pretty epic, and I can't quite remember exactly what she said, but she basically went "A name and address was found on a note tied to the pigeon of the leg, yet no note has been found. Thankfully, the pigeon is being kept in an air conditioned room, though it is being denied visitors." Like a pigeon really needs conjugals, realistically.

Right, before I finish this post off, I went to tesco half way through this post writing, (this is at quarter to ten on a friday) and had a wonderful time shopping, with absolutely no subliminal accusations of being mentally retarded by the staff at all. (sarcasm)
Basically, what happened is, I did the shopping with Danni, that was fine, but she didn't have enough money to pay for all the shopping, so I waited for her to go outside and withdraw some from her card. When she got in, the roof had already told us twice to piss off, so everyone was at the only two checkouts open, a normal one and a basket one, and this woman was telling people which one to go to, which I guess is expected if they're in a hurry, but what happened next was just ridiculous. When Danni had come back in, and was walking towards me, I'd turned towards and started walking towards her, and this tesco woman walked towards me, pointed at the bloke on the basket checkout and said in a really snobby voice "excuse me sir, can you make your way to the basket checkout please?" I was still getting to Danni at this point, so I kinda stopped and was like "err...yeah, alright" and stopped so Danni could get there, at which point, she put her hand on my shoulder, pointed at the basket checkout again and said a little more firmly "you see the basket checkout where the gentleman is standing?" as if she thought I was mentally retarded. I mean jesus, I thought I understood the concept of shopping, but really, without you there I would have just stood at the end of the toiletries aisle with a basket full of shopping just going "fuck! I've got the shopping, now what do I do? I need an overly orange faced uber snob woman to tell me where to go after I've got in the car, got to the shop, finished picking which boxes of things I fill my retarded face with I'm going to buy for the week by walking around in civilisation and dragged the weird metal disks out of my jeans pocket that I need to hand to someone in order to leave the shop with these items."
Good-day to you, I'm gonna go and eat my well deserved haribo ;)