Profanity makes Jesus Weep

FUCKING HELL! To quote Lee Evans after a rather marvelous joke. Facebook is now littered with "like" pages, for the owners of Facewank discovered that 99% of all its fan pages were fans of fuck all, and were instead people liking obvious idiosyncracies, or even more banal normalities, of life. Even liking the things they dislike, for they are fucking retarded.

One that seems to be a prevelant page of likingness is that of the grammatical accident, that of the misplaced colon or comma that changes one phrase into another:

These do make me laugh. I adore grammar. I know this seems hypocritical, coming from a blog that appears to have been written by a lobotomised chimp (yes, I copied the description, its called creating a theme), but I do. I love the power of a semi-colon. (Look it up.)

But then it goes too far, more importantly, into the certain  habits of speech that certain Americans class as profanity, or rudeness or crudeness. I love how rudeness and crudeness are always used side by side, its as though crudeness is rememebred as one types the former. "Oh yeah, thats another good word. And its a syno.. synon... ny... a same meaninged word, I'll use it!" And so they do, to the horror of their peers if they had any.

A friend of my cousins joined one such group of grammar: ""Let's eat Grandma!' or, 'Let's eat, Grandma!' Punctuation saves lives."

Oh, ain't that sweet. It doesn't save lives. Mainly because we don't pronounce the comma in speech, bar the slight pause, but it isnt a conscious effort. We don't go, "Lets eat... shit, say a comma now or we'll have to eat her like we did mum... Grandma" Them living with grandma because they accidentally were forced into an awkward position of eating their parents, due to the mispronunciation of a pause. 

Things further moved out of hand due to the hilarassment of eating ones grandmother when the following statement was issued:

"this page is fucking amazing!! :) x"

Twas a dark day on facebook. This lone comment has issued pain throughout the land. The cuss has thrown turmoil into the sea of tranquility know as face... oh shut the fucking cunty wanky bucket face up. Its not that bad. OH, but it was.

I would show you the overal conversaion but it is rather long, I will place .jpegs at the bottom of this post. In short a load of yanks who treasure our language more than making up their own (lazy bigots, haha bigots, gordon brown, Ill come to that later, watch the video) got annoyed at this, believing that the perpetrator, one Arron Kilburn, an intelligent lad of many prospects (hehe, propaganda), has desecrated the might that is the "like" page. This is a place of hope and joy and love, not for profanity! OUT I SAY! The conversation grew out of hand as more yanks took up defending the English Language. I don't believe they have a say. That's like us deciding what their flag should look like.

"Well, you decided feck is better than fuck, and that taps are forsets..."
"Yes, thats right"
"Well, we think your flag needs a dinosaur on it... and Abe Lincoln, fighting a zombie, on a Transformer"

It would never go through, no one would let us do that. But they can quite happily decide what pieces of our language is correct. I mean, Stephen Fry is the one that has these rights. He is our leader of all things knowledgeable. He says profanity is not a sign of a decreased immature underdeveloped mind and vocabulary, therefore true. He's also a fag, so that perhaps annoyed the Jesus-freaks. I say this because who else makes a page about grandmothers, protects there rights and is American. The English can do the former 2 without Christianity, the Americans need the hopeful support of an imaginary friend.

You will note the anger in this post. I am being trollish today; you can decide what I believe here and what I do not. If I told you what was true in my belief system here the whole idea of a post to annoy Grandmothers Anonymous would fail and crumble, much as their arguments do:

"Vulgarity is the ignorant person's crutch.If you intend to be respected here, you will need to use a more mature vocabulary. Rude, crude and lewd language is not well-received here. Please save that kind of vulgarity for your friends and for sites where it is appreciated and welcomed. Good-bye."

From a Miss JudyLea Irwin, I can imagine continuing as though this is points of view, "I did not like the bed sheets in Midsummer Murders, they imply sex is to be had. That upsets me".

I wish to analyse this response. "Vulgarity is the ignorant persons crutch". Let me show you otherwise. "The fucking retards that run the mental institutions of the 60s showed a fucking disgraceful attitude to the patients they were asked to care for. Rosenhan, a fucking decent bloke, conducted an experiment whereby the participants would act as the observers, this is called participant observation and is a fucking awesome way of understanding how a system operates. Rosenhan discovered the fucktards could not tell the difference between a pseudo-patient with symptoms of an existential crisis and normal patients, fuck off".

That is an intelligent answer. The counterargument is that the swearing is unnecessary, but that is an ignorant reply, for it has no grounding in the argument that vulgarity is a crutch for those without intelligence. Wrong. I haz proven dat.

"Rude, crude and lewd language" merely emphasises my point that people use rhyme and synonyms to appear more intelligent, clever and intellectual. Fuck off, just say what you mean.

"Please save that kind of vulgarity for your friends and for sites where it is appreciated and welcomed" I loved. She first says that the language is vulgar - a negative - then says that its fine to be rude to your friends with it, implying shes happy with herself and others being unkind to those you love. Second, no website welcomes swearing. Websites just accept it as additions to an already complex and beautiful language. QED.

I find the entire conversation disparaging. I dont know what that means, but it sounds bad, and is a long word and proves my argument............ yanks get ya own language, moan about that. We won't learn it, but still, make ya own.

"Oh.My God. THREE paragraphs on this? Jane, did Arron ASK you to post all that? Next his mommy and daddy will be on here. I wonder if he says 'fuck' to THEM?"

From a Miss Christine Cattell, average age, most likely dead. I love the maturity. Vulgarity is the crutch of the ignorant. Immature remarks about ones parents, the crutch of the inferior. That sounds like a good catchphrase.
I can't be arsed to talk about Gordon Brown fully, all I say is, "good man, an opinion. Have more!". I leave you now with the full conversation on eating grandmothers, and this word: "CUNT". That is all, dickweeds. 

  

MORE LULZ:

Further drama has already occured in the space of this blog being blogged.

After telling them my opinion an American hacks my facebook. To further add to the hypocrisy of vulgarity, law breaking and loss of morals and upbringing, they question the use of fucking profanity, but not that of online privacy. Well, I hope Jesus hates you now. I hope he doesn't bring you cupcakes to your next wankless bake sale. 

Also, Kilburn is a distant relative of Jades not a friend. So! Yeah! MORE APOLOGIES!