The General Elections. So generalised no one gives a fuck

So, who are you voting for. The half-blind flobby faced blobfish paedo OR the homosexual vlog-filming cyclist OR.... the yellow guy...?

It's the general elections, that thing I don't follow. That thing that keeps on hounding me for an opinion, so I decided I would give one.

I recently recieved through the letterbox this leaflet about voting and facebook. On the back, this conversation:

Angela 19/ Just graduated

So, you're not going to vote then?

Matthew 21/ Job Seeking

What's the point? Politicians are all the same. It won't affect me who the next prime minister is

Angela

So you don't have an opinion then on whether it's a good thing to have job guarantees for young people or whether you have the right to see a cancer specialist within two weeks?

Matthew

Of course I do! Those things are...

And you get the idea, basically in the course of one false facebook conversation, Angela has turned Matthew to her ways, because shes the graduated woman, and hes the poor stupid jobless twat. Well done Labour. Well done.

My concept of the elections and the various people to choose is incredibly vague. It basically boils down to me going, "But hes a ghey twat" and throwing the telly out the window whilst laughing at the following image:

Actually thats wrong, I couldnt find a decent picture of Nick Griffin as Hitler. All the images were done on paint, and that just looks a bit silly.

Anyway. So I consulted a friend on MSN to learn more about blobby, vlogger and... that other guy... Apparently Labour are gonna continue heavily taxing the rich (makes sense) and... well, this is their website summing them up in three bullet points:

• Rebuild our economy
• Reform and protect our public services
• Renew our politics

Well done. In short they want to have money, keep us alive to have the money and... renew our politics, which is about as vague as any footballer explaining what he did in the game: "well I kind of moved the ball a bit and aimed to score goals"... congratulations

The Tories are doing nothing bar angering J. K. Rowling, who, rather than putting the Cruciacios... the Explee... some spell shit on them, wrote an article for The Times.

"I accept that my friends and I might be atypical. Maybe you know people who would legally bind themselves to another human being, for life, for an extra £150 a year? Perhaps you were contemplating leaving a loveless or abusive marriage, but underwent a change of heart on hearing about a possible £150 tax break? Anything is possible; but somehow, I doubt it. Even Mr Cameron seems to admit that he is offering nothing more than a token gesture when he tells us “it’s not the money, it’s the message”. 

In short she said overall. Blah blah blah I had a kid once blah blah blah hard upbringing blah blah blah i made tonnes of money blah blah blah wheres my sympathy. But between all the self-love and the need to use her own experience as a bad parent to back up her claims, she did say some interesting points. Like Harrys Wand amiri... nah, that joke was just too easy, and a bit naff...

Cameron McVlogghey has decided to pay people who stay together, for breaking up causes economic issues that he can't be arsed to deal with. In short, he has subtley said, "you love each other nicely or you pay us for not being in love!" Which sounds about as harsh as BNP saying "black people can now join our party if they want but they are still wankers".

So far then we have Labour "doing some politics", in their own words (their manifesto is a page of going, "we did some politics once, we can again, if ya like... im half blind, vote for me) and Conservative paying loved ones for being in loveland. Oh, and Labour sent out a leaflet telling me that people on Facebook can use grammar and talk about important issues, not LOLcats.

That leaves Cleggy. You know, Nick Clegg? Yeah him. What you don't know? Hes... that other party. You know, the one that comedians easily get a laugh out of by pretending they don't know who the liberal democrats are. When I asked my friend what they were putting onto the governmental table, his reply was, "probably voodoo magic"...

When he went into more detail it appears the Lib Dems (I am not doing any more jokes into pretending I dont know who they are because they are boring. its a cheap laugh and Im all class and grammar... sometimes...). As Labour and Torie clash for class, Lib Dems sit at the sidelines quietly whispering to spectators that they can bring equality to all, or at least, set the ground work for that. Basically the antithesis of the BNP, being yet another LOLcow that is too easily milked.

So, to conclude once again, because I enjoy concluding, makes me feel self-riteous (I cant spell today, I may punch a gibbon because of it). Labour want richrichrich taxes, Tories want to pay for sex and Lib Dems are very equal and all nice and proper and a bit gay.

In all of this I said I do not wish to vote. None of them can run the country and in my opinion the overlapping rules, regulations, laws, forms, manifestos, ideologies, bills and rights form such a convoluted mess (like a small child threw up spaghetti, ate it again, threw up again and left their intestines in a nice pile on the top) that the only way to set things right is to wipe clean and rebuild, but that leads to anarchy and thatll just make some very annoyed teens that wear too much black happy, and we can't have that; those sorts of teenagers should be mocked, like this.

On a side note, a couple of other interesting points into how the country is killing itself. Primark brought out a range of silly bras for 7 year olds, with padding. I can't see the point, bar the point in the trouser pocket of Gordon Brown as he contemplates the idea.

Conservative leader David Cameron, who branded the sale "disgraceful" in a radio interview, said he was "delighted" the bikini top had been withdrawn from sale.

Aww, ain't that cute. Camerony amerony has a little opinion on the wadio. Ain't that cute. I think anyone could have said it was a disgrace and then alliterated his response when pleased as to the result of feeling horrible about the idea. Anyone. Its quite a simple idea to go, "what, making kids have tits, an outrage". I mean, if anyone didn't say that (BNP, hehehe, cheap jokes) theyd be ghey (I like ghey, generic insults are fun). I want to see the process of creating such a product though. The company alone has the price range of a chavs pocket money (and when I say pocket money, I mean stolen from their mother, and when I say stolen from their mother I mean a tramp, and when I say stolen from a tramp, I mean raped a tramp, and when I say raped a tramp, I mean raped their mother, and when I say mother, I mean small children in padded bras), so  naturally, the course was to make said chavs, chavettes and chavites (baby chavs, I coined a phrase) look like sluts. Chavslutting is what they shall call it and they shall make money from it. How did anyone think that was a good and well thought through idea; surely their are not 7 year olds looking at women going, "I wish I could have a figure like that, then the boy with his finger up his nose will like me".... hold up, nah, im wrong. With all the hormones in food these days, they have a higher libido than me, and thats saying something.

What is even better about this is the comment I found on the article:

beckie:

I don't really think this is much of a big problem to what people are making out. There are younger girls around the age of 10/11 that may want to start wearing more of an older type bra/bikini top, what's wrong with that? I mean yeah, if it's like 5 year olds i understand, but still.

Beckie is a slag. In her own little mind she has worked out the right age one should appear sexy even if sex has yet to enter the consciousness of said child. In short, look sexy, just don't tell them what it means till later. Whether they "want" to wear said clothes or not isnt the point here beckie, the point is they have to develop naturally in todays already tumultuous social climate or theyll get raped! Because raep is everywhere people. RAEP IS SERIOUZ BUSINESS. 

To end, this video, which I please ask you to troll. Please, please, troll: